


feelsbadman.txt

by subject404



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Death, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, October Prompt Challenge, Panic Attacks, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 08:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21194729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subject404/pseuds/subject404
Summary: Prompt: DeathTamlen's death except I smashed that motherfuckin' make-it-worse button (Zevran helps make things better though)Vaguely inspired by a dream





	feelsbadman.txt

"I'm so sorry, lethallin."

Those dying words reverberated in his mind. Tamlen's blood trickles down his dagger's hilt, eventually meeting bare skin.

A paralyzing dread overcame his every muscle, as did the growing void in his chest, when he realized that his first love now lay dead at the end of his dagger. Tamlen's final words echoed ceaselessly, overtaking even the deafening silence hanging over the encampment.

Steadily, Lux removed the dagger from Tamlen's chest, only to escape his trembling hand and land with a  _ thunk _ onto dead grass. Tears welled up in Lux's eyes. He held his breath to keep himself from breaking down right then and there in the middle of the camp.

"Who was that?"

Alistair. Now wasn't a good time to talk. At any moment the lump in his throat would render his voice useless. Better to keep things brief. Lux faced Alistair, but avoided direct eye contact. "His name was Tamlen." He prayed that this answer would suffice. Every word burned in his throat.

"Tamlen? Then he was the one who was with you when you..."

Lux's jaw clenched. Breathe.

"I'm so sorry. This is what happens when the taint is left unchecked."

Those words again. Stuck in his head. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, lethallin. I'm so sorry. Over and over. His body trembled.  _ Breathe _ .

"It... It's better for him, to have it end. It was a mercy.”

No use. His heart raced and his breathing grew more shallow. Any minute now he would break.

Turning away from Alistair, he started making his way toward the surrounding forest in whatever direction his feet led him. It didn't matter where he wandered off to, so long as nobody could ask him any more prying questions. He just needed to grieve alone.

But first, he had to control himself; control his ragged breathing. At least until he ventured far enough away. His hands shook again, remembering the weight of the dagger plunged straight through Tamlen's heart. I'm so sorry, lethallin. One at a time tears began streaking down his face. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat. How far had he walked? His entire body weighed him down now. The muscles in his legs ached, begging him to give up. He rounded the next closest tree and slumped down in front of it, resting his back against the harsh bark.

Finally, he allowed his grief to spill over. It rushed down his face and the lump in his throat began to choke him, cutting off his voice and source of air. He threw his body forward, taking in sharper breaths. Hyperventilating. His thoughts grew hazy as his mind drifted on the borderline between consciousness and unconsciousness. Tamlen. Lethallin. I'm so sorry.

As soon as he believed that he would collapse, his breathing slowed as he shakily took more air into his tired lungs. The cold earth that he gripped in one hand seemed to invite his now pounding head and blurry, stinging eyes. His other hand, however, held him back; clutching at his chest. The void in his chest shrunk back down as he purged the pain of his close friend's death out of his body.

Gradually, all his senses adjusted back to reality. Wind rustled the leaves in the trees and bushes around him. Twigs crunched nearby. And there, far off in the distance, he could make out the voices of his companions calling for him.

A hand on his shoulder suddenly made him jump out of his own skin. It lingered for a moment, enough to catch his attention until he turned to look at whoever had startled him.

Zevran.

Of course the assassin would sneak up on him like that. Then he remembered what he must look like to the other rogue, red-eyed and weak from panic. Unable to control his own emotions. Guilt crashed into him as his panic set in again. But Zevran smiled and brought an index finger to his own lips, silencing Lux, before stalking away.

Hardly a moment later, he heard Zevran shouting for his companions, informing them that the Warden had returned to the camp and turned in for the night. Convinced, they gave up their search.

Lux breathed out the breath he hadn't realized he held in and relaxed against the tree once again. Gratitude filled his chest like a warm fire. Zevran had protected him. Now happy tears threatened to fall.

Zevran emerged from around the tree and crouched down in front of him. The assassin made it very clear that he had no intent of talking down to Lux.

"You are safe now, mi amore."

Those words were all he needed. All he wanted. Then he remembered his one true regret with Tamlen; he never admitted his feelings. That couldn't happen this time.

Lux lunged at Zevran, knocking him onto the ground and trapping him between his arms before going in for a kiss. His first kiss. It tasted of metal, of blood, after having only recently fought off a group of ghouls. Zevran kissed back, not seeming to mind. Not that Lux minded either. Both tongues focused on exploring the other's lips and mouth. Soon Zevran's experience overpowered Lux, drawing sharper breaths out of him until he suddenly realized what he had done and broke off the kiss, a thin line of saliva still connecting the two. He released Zevran, and exclaimed, "I'm so sorry!" Zevran only brought his upper body up by his elbows and chuckled.

"I told you that you are safe, no? There's no need for an apology here."


End file.
